I do not like using the word ‘I’. Yet here ‘I’ am again, writing about myself. With the intent to show the weakness of man, and what not to be.
Attaining a heart to enter Zion has always been my desire, even since my youth. As a youngster, Enoch, Melchizedek, and especially the Brother of Jared had taken my attention and I desired to be like them. Around the age of 14-15 years old I read the experience of the Brother of Jared’s encounter with the Lord. It penetrated deep within me and I asked “why not me also?” That night in the darkness, I dropped to my knees and asked God for the same experience as He is not a respecter of persons. I trust that He has been directing my life to receive such.
The Brother of Jared humbles and intrigues me. I myself am a broken man, finding my way to the Lord. He did it. How? I ask myself, “How can I as such a broken vessel, worthy to be trodden under the feet of man receive what he did?” He said: “O Lord, thou hast given us a commandment that we must call upon thee, that from thee we may receive according to our desires. Behold, O Lord, thou hast smitten us because of our iniquity and hath driven us forth, and for this many years we have been in the wilderness; nevertheless, thou hast been merciful unto us. O Lord, look upon me in pity, and turn away thine anger from this thy people, and suffer not that they shall go forth across this raging deep in darkness,” (Eth. 1:11) I think every man who seeks an audience with the Lord can relate with this scripture. It is truly humbling.
In my pursuit to receive the Lord, a book which has been a driving force for me has been Denver Snuffer’s – The Second Comforter: Conversing with the Lord through the Veil. I read this book in 2012 for the first time and thought, ‘this guy did it. How did he do it?!’ He gives steps that we need to take to accomplish our hearts desire of receiving the Lord.
I am a stubborn man, and it takes the Lord sometimes YEARS to persuade me to do just one thing to bring me closer to Him. Denver taught in his book: “You teach complicated or intricate skills one step at a time. There should be in the mind of the student only one thing to do. There is always only one thing to do. There is never more than the single thing to be addressed. It is the thing most wrong at the moment. Once that is addressed and corrected, then you can move on to the next thing, where again there is only one thing to do—and it is the next thing in the sequence. When the next skill is acquired, then there is still only one thing to do.
So it is here. There is only one thing for you to do. You will know what you
need to do within the context of your own life. We will discuss that further. But
whatever it is that most hinders you is the one and only thing you have to do.
When it is resolved, then you move on to the next thing. Sometimes we all have
blind spots about our own shortcomings. If you cannot figure out what the thing
you most need to resolve is, then ask the Lord. He has always been willing to
answer the sincere inquiry of “what lack I yet?” The answer to that question is the
one thing you should work on. But never work on three, or thirty, or fifty things
at once.” (Snuffer, Denver. The Second Comforter: Conversing with the Lord through the Veil, 2011)
7-8 years ago I got mixed up in some spiritual mumbo jumbo. It re-oriented my brain/heart and I trusted in man more than God (spiritual adultery). Though my goal has always been to follow the Lord, I sidestepped and went into forbidden paths. I was taught by man that many of us come here and find our bonded mate. Bonded I took as a foreordination, the person(s) we have already attained a level of glory with previously or before this mortality. I can see now that person is truly my wife Amanda. The adversary used this teaching to again make my mind stray to other women as was stated briefly in my previous post. I remembered other associations and other ‘spiritual connections’ to other women that I had. It planted the subject of plural women more deeply inside of me. One woman in particular came about at this time and taught me many things about the spirit world. In a short amount of time, cords embedded on and in me from this other person and I was very drawn to her. It seemed that she could say anything to me and I would believe her. I gave my will, my agency to this person. I was having ‘legitimate spiritual experiences’ with her. I believed at this point of my life that I was not ‘bonded’ to my Amanda, but to this other person (and others I knew). She also made the conclusion that we were bonded mates. I then pursued this relationship thinking it was ordained of God because of the openness of experiences that I was having. My sweet wife’s beckoning unto me fell on deaf ears. She is so full of truth, and could see through all of this spiritual bull shit. But my ears had been deafened. There were things done that I regret, adulterous feelings within my heart, and even acting on them to a degree. Finally after months, my wife pulled my head out of my ass, and I could finally see the horror that I had caused to my family. I took an ‘About Face” away from my family, and I thought I was performing the sacrifice needed pertaining in the Lectures on Faith. I adulterated this scripture and in my disgust used it to further the relationship with that person.
“Let us here observe that a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation. For from the first existence of man, the faith necessary unto the enjoyment of life and salvation never could be obtained without the sacrifice of all earthly things: it was through this sacrifice, and this only, that God has ordained that men should enjoy eternal life, and it is through the medium of the sacrifice of all earthly things that men do actually know that they are doing the things that are well pleasing in the sight of God. When a man has offered in sacrifice all that he has for the truth’s sake, not even withholding his life, and believing before God that he has been called to make this sacrifice because he seeks to do his will, he does know most assuredly that God does and will accept his sacrifice and offering, and that he has not nor will not seek his face in vain. Under these circumstances, then, he can obtain the faith necessary for him to lay hold on eternal life.” (LoF 6:7)
The scriptures had become distorted to my view because of sin. I explained some of this experience with my wife, but because of fear, and disgust of myself, I did not expound everything unto her. While driving to SLC from Mount Pleasant, Utah for work every week, I would have long conversations with the Lord. Our conversations became short because of my pride and sin. While driving, I would ask Him “Lord, what do I lack? What must I do next to please you?” I was told, “Tell Amanda EVERYTHING”. OOH this lit me up! I could not believe that the Lord would ask me to reveal everything and to hurt her AGAIN! To deepen the pain that I had already inflicted upon her?! Hadn’t I already hurt her enough? Why is this necessary? I would then say ‘I do not believe this is the Lord speaking to me, this must be the adversary’. I would call bull shit on what I was told for the next 7 years. That ONE thing that needed done I could not do. It hounded me. No progression was made for 7 years and I hid the details of my works of darkness from my wife.” …but when we undertake to cover our sins or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control, or dominion, or compulsion, upon the souls of the children of men in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the Heavens withdraw themselves, the spirit of the Lord is grieved, and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.” (T&C 139:5) AMEN INDEED!!!! I undertook to cover my sins from the Lord and from my wife. I was stripped of any authority or power from God all those years ago. I had been left unto myself. I knew the Lord was still close, but every time I would open up in prayer to Him, the very first thing said to me was something I could not do. Very recently, I opened up about EVERYTHING, every detail, my hearts intent at the time, acts performed etc.. etc.. etc.. Finally… This burden has been lifted from my shoulders and the Lord confirmed to me- “Good job, you finally did it, now we can move forward.”
In Zion, there will not be anyone there who are holding onto their “hidden works of darkness”. All must be revealed. I am a living witness that the words contained in the book The Second Comforter are true. We have one thing to do, once it is done, then the next thing can be done. I PROMISE YOU that the Lord will tell you what thing needs to be done. I am a shmuck, and dense, hard headed, stubborn, even a klstrfk of a man. BUT THE LORD STILL SPOKE TO ME!!! He would remind me for 7 years what needed done! What a patient teacher he is. At the same time, He can be brutal. Mostly because I have an intense personality and He knows that I need the wooden spoon on my bare ass at times.
“Within every group of chosen people, there’s always those who are resilient and faithful enough to pass the test, to hold the edge, to survive when the difficulties come. And when the Lord puts us through the furnace of affliction. Our burdens are designed to get us to be able to qualify. Our burdens are designed to make us a little more realistic about our own limitations” (Snuffer, Denver. Unity in Christ Conference. 2017) Do that one thing He is asking. Pass that one test. But don’t wait as long as I did. The furnace of affliction only has to be as long as we allow it to be.
“The confidence with which I speak does not recon from myself. In fact like I have heard so many people ask about themselves, “What am I doing in this position?” Well none of us really can come down here into this sphere and walk around proclaiming, “Check it out, I mean, this is how you ought to be.” There is only one, there is only one who is the prototype of the saved man. There is only one that we can look upon and say, as to Him, I have confidence in Him. Everyone else the confidence is misplaced. But if you have confidence in Him, and He has given you something to say, then say it with the confidence that you have in Him. Announce the message that He has given, with the respect that He deserves” (Ibid)
I second these words. He will not lead you astray. Have confidence in what He is telling you to do to clean yourself up. No matter how hard it is. Expose your hidden works of darkness, and let everything fall into place. Hiding these things from those we love is in essence controlling in unrighteous dominion. We are trying to control the narrative, and to control those we love by not speaking the truth. Amen to the priesthood of that man.
I have a lot to mourn because of my lack. Amen to the priesthood of this man indeed. Don’t be like me. Speak to your wives with kindness, expose those dark things which are hidden. I want Zion, I am sure whoever is reading this also wants the same thing. Be true to your sweet companions and conquer the will of the flesh. Throw down your fears and have faith in the one who saves.
I hope the words spoken here will help at least just one man. Maybe just one. If they have, then glory be to Christ.